We’re having to move out of our flat. It’s hard because technically I have no income. I’ve go two tours promised but are they going to happen? Certainly not in March / April when they were supposed to.

I remember when we spoke last, we were still hoping to finish the run at the Savoy… this time last year I would have thought it would be impossible to be closed for so long.

Now if someone said me me I had a definite job in August I’d go “Wow! That’s fantastic!”. 

Back in the summer there was supposed to be a big gap between the end of the Savoy and my next job – something like 6 weeks – and I thought “How will I cope without income for 6 months? How will I manage?” and here we are nearly a year later – still alive, still eating. Still not dead. 

I had a show that was postposed from last August to this August and now it’s been cancelled again. They had West End lined up and everything. They are just doing a 2 week workshop in April. 

I nearly did a panto. I had five pantos planned and this wasn’t even one of those: I got a call half way through November asking me if I was interested. It was one of the ones that was National Lottery sponsored. It was written and ready to be rehearsed and because Liverpool had gone down a Tier, they were convinced that they would too. I got to Manchester checked in to my hotel, went out to get food and the next morning, the tiers didn’t change so I got back on a train and came home again. I wasn’t even there 24 hours. It was weird walking along the streets because all the restaurants were getting fresh deliveries that morning assuming that they would be opening again. Such a waste.

I did go and see some shows: I went to see Brian (Connley) in The Christmas Carol and Cinderella and another concert and they were all very safe, very orderly. Good thing it wasn’t raining because you always had to queue up outside. In the Theatres we felt very safe, very secure. There waslots of free spaces around us and even in the smallest venue they were plastic screens. We really tried our best in the Theatre to make it safe.

The show at the Dominion didn’t finish their run – they got maybe four or five shows. It’s a shame they didn’t plan to stream it but you’re not going to make back you money by streaming. I also don’t understand people that limit tickets for streaming. I mean surely if you wanna sell a million tickets you sell a million and if any of everyone’s on a percentage or royalties then it’s better that way anyway. 

I did a drama school show at the Bridewell. The day Tier 4 came was our last night. I had all the crew from the 9 to 5 band in it and my colleague, Mark Crossland (international superstar that he is) playing keys 3 in this drama school show! It wasn’t big money but people were desperate to work. It sounded amazing of course! People have got to keep their muscles going. I shocked myself over the summer: I was asked to do one of those online concerts by Carrie Hope Fletcher (I’ve worked with her a few times). She sent me the music and I hadn’t played the piano for five months and I thought “I’m not match fit. I can’t go and do this” so I gave it to another friend of mine and then made a conscious effort to start playing the piano again. Of course by the time the drama school project came in I was absolutely fine. It took me a week to get back up and running. It’s not surprising that I had become rusty. I mean we don’t ever stop work usually. I used to get up in the morning, go to play at auditions for one show then rehearse another one in the afternoon, grab some food on the way to do 9 to 5 at the Savoy then go to the pub. Now I do a two hour zoom class one of the drama schools and I feel like I need a nap. 

I find on Twitter and Instagram with a community can be very negative and quick to judge. I’ve had to come off social media a few times just to give my head a break you know. Recently there was a witch hunt with a theatre that said they were going to open – not to the public but to do something behind closed doors – and people said “oh you’re breaking the law you shouldn’t be doing this” and so eventually they didn’t open. You never know: they might have been about to lose their premises and needed to make some cash plus they had been told what they were doing was legal by the council so it’s a shame that people were all so quick to pounce. 

As far as finances go, I spent all my tax savings so when I get my tax bill at the end of the month I can’t pay it because I’ve had to live off the money.

I wasn’t eligible for any grants. I applied for universal credit but I had too much in my tax account so once that was spent I finally became eligible but I had to first spend my savings. Well, they weren’t my savings they were for tax. I was spending money I would owe to the government in order to survive. At least I’ve had that: some people have had absolutely nothing. No help at all. I’m worried now because I’ve got this far but there isn’t anything left and we aren’t going in to rehearsals on March 15th, let’s be honest. I could’ve probably got to March 15th.

I’m coping though. We all have dark days don’t we? This lockdown is way harder than the first one. The weather was gorgeous we were out in the garden having cocktails it felt like it was short term and we’d be back at work soon. And then the one before Christmas was so short plus we had Christmas coming up: it was festive and it felt lovely. Now it’s just January blues times 100. But I get up earlier, I’m eating healthier. Max (the dog) gets very long walks. I’m also packing now for the move, bagging up some things for the charity shops. I might have to sell some of it. There are a few things I found that still have labels on that I’d never worn: a £90 pair of jeans that don’t fit me now that I’ve lost weight – I’d never dream of spending £90 on jeans right now. 

I think the hard day will be 16th of March – the anniversary of the day we closed.

We will still be in lockdown at that point – maybe not full lockdown but it won’t be back to normal – and that year marker’s going to be tough. I don’t think people believe that theatre shows will happen enough to buy tickets yet either: they won’t buy tickets until it’s actually happening because it’s just not right now: it’s not a fact any more. There’s a film called ‘Songbird’ and…just don’t watch it. Basically we’re in 2023 and we’re still in lockdown and no-one can go out without breathing apparatus. I had to switch it off. It was just too possible.

Some of my business friends say that people are considering not going ever going back to big offices. I mean when people can work from home why would companies do that when they can have workers spend their own money on electricity and water. For us it just doesn’t work: we’ve tried to do early stage rehearsals for a few things online but it just doesn’t work: you can’t sing together. Zoom does not work for theatre.

I was thinking about starting a campaign to switch all the marquee lights off outside the theatres because when everything else was open – the cafes and bars during eat out to help out – I heard lots of people saying “Oh look, all the theatres are open” and of tourists were saying “Oh we should book to go and see that” because it looked like it was open but it wasn’t. 

When we got that 1.57 billion I had loads of family who you think would know better saying “oh so you’ll be fine then – how much would you get?”. They thought all the musicians and actors were going to get a little cheque and I mean none of us has really got any of it – barely even the theatres.

I don’t think the British public really get it so I think we need to raise awareness about the fact that theatres certainly aren’t safe financially. 

What do I hope for when we come out of this? If you ask me on a down day I’d probably say “Is theatre going to coming back at all?”. If you’d asked me yesterday I would have said “We won’t have big audiences, we’ll just have streams and one-off concerts” but today I’m feeling a bit more positive: theatre will have to come back. You work and strive towards Broadway and the West End – I toured for many years and probably will again this year – but we all aim for this pinnacle of British Theatre that was world-famous. We were there doing it and I want to go back to doing it. I want it to still exist.

With one month to go until the anniversary of the closure of theatres at the start of the pandemic, we are getting in touch with some of the cast and crew featured in the book to see where they are now.

First up, we talk to:

Jen Raith, Stage Manager

I am working in Tescos now […] you have to make sure only one person from a household comes into the shop, make sure they’re definitely wearing a mask […] I can’t begin to tell you the abuse I have had from customers. It’s disgusting. Some of the general public can’t be trusted and we’re on our third lockdown because of it.

There’s been so much that’s happened since we last spoke in June. I’m working at Tesco’s now.  We were in Scotland and stayed there until the end of July purely because of the lockdown rules there: we couldn’t leave. Martin had been at home working night shifts just to keep the pennies coming in. He was on a temporary contract and that was coming to an end so the purpose of me coming back was trying to get things back to normal-ish. I figured I could try and find some work and we could split shifts and take care of childcare between us. So when things started to relax at the end of July – it was exactly four months since we arrived – we headed back down. Phoebe was 7 months when we went to Scotland and 11 months when we came back so that’s a long time: a big growing process for a baby so Martin did miss out on all of that but for me and my Mum it was time we never would have had so there was a huge silver lining through all of this. We had to remain as positive as we could.

Since then, things have had to changed so dramatically for us: we’ve had to move to Bristol: we couldn’t afford London any more. Not with two incomes from theatre. Martin was relying on pirate crew jobs when things started to move again in the industry but it still wasn’t enough for London. We were eating in to our savings – as most folk were – so the ball started rolling at the start of August and we then moved at the end of October. We chose Bristol to get closer to family and so we could rely more on them for childcare.

We didn’t know if there was any work going to be coming in. I applied for Tesco’s before I even left London. The week before we moved I got a call from the big Tesco Extra down the road and they had me on a seasonal contract until Christmas and now they have just put me on as permanent staff, which is perfect. With everything building up to moving there’s been lots of positives – even Christmas – we were going to have Martin’s folks up but when we know we were going into another lockdown we thought it’s fine – it’s just a day, a weekend. We’ll just do it next year when we can. So none of that has been upsetting and we thankfully had each other: myself, Martin and Phoebe.

I have to admit though it’s the last month that has really got to me….oh dear…I’m going to get upset. It’s just been hard. You see they have this person in Tesco’s called a ‘door greeter’. You’re standing at the front door saying hi to everyone who comes in but since the new guidelines you have to make sure only one person from a household comes into the shop, make sure they’re definitely wearing your mask, so you’re like the fun police. I am happy to talk to people and have a friendly chat but I can’t begin to tell you the abuse I have had from customers. It’s disgusting. Some of the general public can’t be trusted and we’re on our third lockdown because of it. My employers have been brilliant – the management are so supportive and you’re PPE’d up to the hilt – I’ve got a mask, a shield, gloves. They’re constantly putting you on breaks so you can wash your hands. It’s mainly – weirdly – the elderly who give us trouble, would you believe it? It’s the cantankerous old men who say it is just a guideline and not law. I’m there thinking “We’re doing this for your sake! I’m standing here on minimum wage and it’s not me who has made up the guidelines”. Of course I’m an employee so it’s not worth losing my job over. You know we’ve all had to adapt and change because of this and we’re now in this position where we have no [theatre] industry because we can’t trust the general public. It’s shocking. Sorry.

I’ve been able to share some of my frustration with colleagues – a lot of them are now friends. There are all walks of life working there now: there’s even a guy who worked for British Airways who’s got no industry either so everybody’s got a story through all of this. Some of them have been there 17 years and some of them have been there 7 months. You can at least laugh with these people. When I get home, that’s when I get properly angry and upset. My whole world has been turned upside down: we’ve moved cities and every step of the way we’ve remained positive and said OK we’ll need to adapt – which is what we do in theatre – we adapt, we change, we move on – and then you see this happen and you ask why? We’re frantically trying to vaccinate the elderly and roll it out before another variant comes along and I’m trying to stop watching the news so much but and when you’re missing an Industry….it’s just hard to see people act like that.  I mean I’m sitting here getting upset because I’m talking about it now but actually Martin is on good form, Phoebe is doing well and on a daily basis we’re like a very well oiled machine. Thank goodness for Martin. He is so strong and all I need to do is come home and vent at him for five minutes and then I’m done. I’m usually Mrs positivity: I always think there’s some sort of silver lining – and that comes from my mum and my sister, Pamela, my God, she’s high on life but even she has had her moments and that’s not her.

Also, the government haven’t been hard enough. Even Priti Patel admitted that we should have shut the borders last year and I thought ‘How dare you? You’re supposed to be the person in charge of this. I feel like they all just need to bloody resign and we need to start afresh with a new team because it’s in such a tangle now.

It must be hard for parents who are homeschooling and there are children who still don’t have laptops. We are year on from this and these promises from the government still haven’t happened. We’ve got Phoebe in nursery now: she’s doing two days a week. We were um-ing and ah-ing about it but it came recommended and they are amazing with all the covid rules. She’s had no baby groups and no interaction with other babies up until now and she loves it. Now I can say to Tesco’s I can definitely do two mornings a week. Without sounding selfish, it is a bit of a sanity in itself – you’ve got 8 hours a week that provides a bit of routine to keep to. We are creatures of habit in theatre anyway: we like a bit of routine. Martin and I never get a day off together now though so I just hoover.

My mum’s had her vaccine. She got it at the start of January. She’s actually about to retire – that was always going to happen. March was going to be her date for retirement. She was stuck in Scotland on her own for Christmas and they were properly locked down but she didn’t bother with it really. She just had a little dinner on her own. But poor thing she’s been on her own up there and it’s been snowing and icy. She does have support in the village where she lives but where in the summer they could go and sit in each other’s gardens, in the winter all they can do is wave through the window. But thank goodness for technology we can show her Phoebe growing up as well. Before now it would have just been phone calls – or even letters.

We’ve not seen much of our local area at all because we’ve been in lockdown since we got here. You are get stuck indoors most of the time with this. We literally have a triangle of Martin’s work, which is about 8 miles away, the nursery and Tesco’s. I’ll drive out and drop him and Phoebe off then go to work. We’ve got a little playpark nearby and we’ve got to know the neighbours from afar: we said hi over Christmas but we’ve not seen much. If the weather is decent you have to try and get out and about because otherwise you’d just go mad wouldn’t you. 

Around the time we were moving I ended up speaking to a cast members from shows gone by and they were all anxious, working for delivery companies like Amazon and that sort of thing and my advice to them was if you can get back to your parents do it. There’s no shame right now. At least you’re not on your own. I mean, I did it: I went back up to my mums and I’m almost 40 for God’ sake. I mean it’s your parents that’s what we do as families. You’re still their baby at the end of the day. 

It’s good to have a plan. I think I will come back to theatre eventually but right now with Phoebe I just don’t want to yet. I don’t feel like I can give 60 hours a week to a Theatre. At this stage I’d much prefer to have family time and use this as the excuse for taking that time: to get Phoebe into school and then start thinking about it again. Weirdly it’s like the universe and our little universe aligned nicely. But that’s not to stop us from dipping in to theatre here and there if we were able to do something part time. We’ve got theatres just down the road. We’re also just down the road from a clothing company that was started by two of the cast of 9 to 5 so I could ask them if there’s a possibility of working with them. We were in a good place with friends and colleagues when it all shut down so here’s hoping that in 3 or 4 years we can go back. We’re not a million miles away from London either. 

Hats off to everybody who gets involved and these shows that get up and running. They’ve got nerves of steel I don’t have the nerve for it right now. I’ve got my strength in my family and my little bubble but I’m rooting for everyone from the sidelines. If we can get back up and running that’s superb and I am on everybody’s side. I know we’re in this for the long haul and I do believe we can adapt but we just need to pull our socks up a bit – the general public and the government too.